Free My Soul
by moriartyswife
Summary: Things had been great since I moved in with Haru a little over a year ago. He had a huge house all to himself and we'd already sort of started dating. My aunt and uncle took some convincing. They knew Haru was a good guy and that they wouldn't have to remodel their garage to accommodate me. Just because of that gesture, I'd learned how much Haru meant to me.
1. Chapter 1

My phone buzzing on the nightstand continued to get louder and louder. For a moment, it stopped, and then it started again. Who is calling me… this…early? My eyes fluttered open and it took a few seconds for the clock to come into focus. I jumped out of bed, almost falling to the floor as I slipped on the covers that had slid off into the floor. "Haru! Why didn't you wake me up?!" I exclaimed as I ran into the bathroom.

Of course, Haru was in the bathtub in his swimsuit. I'd gotten used to that. "You didn't sleep well last night. We could just skip again today." His blue eyes met my purple ones. He never said it out loud, but he worried constantly about my lack of sleep.

Jerking the hairbrush through my tangle of a mess black hair, I half smiled at him. "We can't skip again, Haru. We didn't go yesterday and Mako will definitely come looking for us." I put my hair up into two matching ponytails on the side of my head and brushed out my layered bangs again. Stripping out of my pajamas, I searched around for my uniform that always made its way into the bathroom, cursing under my breath.

Haru was so laid back. I only wished that I could be like that. But I wasn't. So, I panicked instead.

"Haru? Ren? You guys awake?" Makoto asked, opening the bathroom door. His face flushed red when he saw me standing in my underwear while I was putting on my makeup. The door slammed shut. "I am SO sorry, Ren! I didn't… you're usually… ahh…"

I slid my skirt on and then my top. "It's okay, Mako. I'm dressed now." Haru had kept his eyes on me while I got dressed but as soon as he got bored, he slid back down under the water. "Haru…"

"I'll get him," Makoto said, still not looking right at me as I passed him to go out of the bathroom. That poor boy will die when he actually gets a girlfriend.

I left them to find my school bag and paperwork that was strewn across my desk. I had forgotten to finish filling out some papers for the school. Dammit. I scribbled down the answers to the questions before running to catch up with them at the front door.

I trailed behind the two as we walked to school. Haru was acting weird again. I tried to play it off as the weather. It was still too cold for him to swim in an outdoor pool or the ocean. Affording a membership to an indoor pool wasn't in the budget. The lack of time in the water continued to drive him crazy. He would live in the water if that was at all possible.

But that wasn't all that as bothering him. He wouldn't talk about it, and that was driving ME crazy. It made me feel like I'd done something to upset him, which was also contributing to my insomnia, though, that wasn't the main reason.

"Ren? Did you hear what I said?" Makoto asked, looking back at me. My deer-in-headlights look must have said it all. He laughed a little. "In your own little world, again, I see."

My cheeks flushed. "What? No… I was just… thinking."

"Hey no worries! I was just saying that it was a bummer that all three of us don't have class together this year."

"How did that happen?" Haru asked. They both looked at me now.

I rubbed the back of my head. "Well… I didn't… exactly make the marks to get past first year." I hadn't told them about it yet. I'd had every opportunity but honestly, I was upset that I'd failed. It was completely my own fault. My first year away from my so-called home to this new one had been a tough year for me.

"Ren…" Makoto was at a loss for words. He and Haru both continued to just stare at me, probably waiting for me to have another one of my breakdowns.

Instead, I smiled and waved it off. "It's fine. It's not like I'll die not being with you two all day." I forced myself to walk past them and toward the school building. I gave them a wave and said, "I'll see you at lunch, okay?"

Things had been great since I moved in with Haru a little over a year ago. I'd planned to get my own place because moving in with my cousin, Makoto and his family would have been too much. They'd taken such good care of me over the summers in my childhood. But when it was decided that I'd be moving here permanently after the accident, I knew that I couldn't ask that of them.

That was when Haru offered his place. He had a huge house all to himself and we'd already sort of started dating. My aunt and uncle took some convincing. They knew Haru was a good guy and that they wouldn't have to remodel their garage to accommodate me. Just because of that gesture, I'd learned how much Haru meant to me.

"Ren? Ren Tachibana?" A boy's voice came from behind me in the office.

When I turned around, I immediately recognized that grin and blond mess of hair. He'd played with me over the summers when I was little. "Nagisa! It's been a while." Geez… he's old enough to be in high school?

"Too long! Is Haruka around? Or Makoto?" He was practically bouncing with energy, just like when we were kids. Nagisa had that effect on people too. It was hard not to be happy when he was around.

"They've already gone to class. I got held back so I'm not in the same one…" I hated saying it out loud. After all this time, I thought that I'd finally gotten my life back on track.

Nagisa ripped the paper out of my and gasped. "We're in the same class! How cool is that?!" Excitement overtook him again and he threw his arms around me.

I welcomed the distraction of his chatter on our way to class. He didn't leave out any details about his adventures in middle school and his swimming skills had apparently come a very long way. Even when class started, he passed me notes, unable to contain his need to tell me something.

"Hey, Ren. I heard you and Haruka are kind of thing. Is it true?"

I smiled as he did. "Yeah, kind of. I'm living with him too." I gathered my things. There was enough time to run by the cafeteria to get some lunch for me and Haru. He hadn't gotten up in enough time to make some. Instead, he'd decided to sit in the bathtub for who knows how long.

Nagisa tagged along. "That's so cool! I told Mako that you had a crush on Haru, but he didn't believe me!"

He continued like that all the way back into the school building. By chance, we'd taken the same stairwell as Haru and Makoto. "Haruka! Makoto! It's been forever! It's been a long time, huh? Guess who's finally made it!"

Neither of them recognized him right away. I laughed a little when he yelled Haruka. I should have told him that Haru hated his full name even more so now than he did back then. At least when he shortened it, it was a boy's name.

"Nagisa!" They both exclaimed.

He grinned. "Yep! Ren and I are in the same class. Man, Haru! You are so lucky! Getting a girl like Ren," Nagisa said as he bound up the staircase. He and Makoto headed for the roof. Haru waited at the top of the stairs for me.

"They had some mackerel on rice," I said, handing him the boxed lunch.

Wordlessly, Haru took the box and walked with me further down the hall. "Ren," he stopped and faced me. "What's up with you?"

I blinked a few times. "I thought I should be asking you that."

Haru shook his head. "Come on, you're barely sleeping. You act like there's nothing wrong but obviously, there is. Is it about school? Or your dad again?"

My shoulders sagged as I looked at the floor. My dad… it was always about my dad. "I don't know. It's all just… falling apart. First that happened at home. Then I failed a grade. I used to be at the top of my class. I mean… what's next? Us?" The only thing I had left to lose was Haru.

"Don't be stupid, Ren." Haru said, causing me to look up. "I'm not going to leave you and you know that. Stop letting him rule your life. He's behind bars and he can't hurt you anymore. I can't help you move on if you keep trying to do it on your own."

"Ren! Haruka! Come on!" Nagisa called from the door to the roof. He was waving his hand like we couldn't see him.

Haru had yet to break eye contact with me. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, too. You haven't done anything wrong. Just relax," Haru stepped closer, lifting my chin and kissing me softly. No one else really got to see this side of him. "I'll take care of you, Ren. Let me."

I blushed and nodded my head. "I'm trying."

"Then you have nothing to worry about," Haru replied, giving me one of his rare smiles. He kissed me once more before taking my hand to lead me out onto the roof.

Nagisa was impatiently waiting for us. He wanted to catch up with Haru and Makoto about swimming things. I only have listened as I ate my lunch. It was hard to concentrate on anything after Haru had kissed me. My lips still tasted like him. I smiled to myself. I was so lucky to have him. And to have Makoto. They were the reason I was still here and fighting for myself to have the life that I deserved.


	2. Chapter 2

I'd forgotten how much Nagisa could talk. He had an endless number of stories and conversation topics. Just listening to him for half an hour made me feel like I'd mentally ran a marathon. The topic turned to swimming and Haru told Nagisa that he wasn't swimming competitively anymore. He wrote it off like he didn't care, but I knew some part of him missed it. Sure, he could live with only swimming in the ocean and pools for fun, but part of him longed to swim competitively. Maybe Nagisa would be good for the two of them. Makoto and Haru both needed to rekindle their love for swimming for more than just fun.

As we headed back inside, Nagisa turned around to say, "You guys heard about our old swimming club, right? They lost the lease or something and they're gonna tear it down soon."

Tear it down? That place was special. It brought all of us together through the love of swimming. I slid my hand into Haru's as a silent gesture. He might not say it, but that news hurt him. With that place gone, there would be nowhere here to go swimming indoors that we could even begin to afford.

"So, I was thinking, we should stop by before they do. For old time's sake," Nagisa smiled.

"We have to go dig that up, don't we?" Makoto said.

"Exactly! It's already closed but we could sneak in under the cover of darkness!" Nagisa already seemed pumped to go.

I almost lost my step when Haru started down the stairs, still holding my had. "Have fun with that. Count me out."

"Aw, don't be like that Haru! Please come with us. Tell him, Ren!" Nagisa held onto Haru's jacket.

"Maybe you should—" I started. It would be good for him.

"I don't want to go," he said more forcefully this time. He pulled his hand free, annoyed that I hadn't taken his side. Thankfully he'd looked away so he didn't see my features drop in hurt.

Makoto told him that we'd have access to an indoor pool, which sparked Haru's interest and changed his mind. I didn't mention that this place has been shut down for quite some time so the likelihood of it actually still having water was slim to none, even nasty water probably wouldn't be there. But it would be good for Haru to go with them so I kept quiet.

From the school, we all went to Haru's for dinner and some tools. I left them to their planning to go upstairs and change out of my uniform. I had my own room here but usually I stayed with Haru. My insomnia lessened when I slept with him. Maybe it made me feel less alone. Sighing, I set my backpack down by the nightstand. The bottle of pills sitting by the bed stared me down. I should throw out a few more…

After I'd disposed of four more pills, I returned downstairs. Rin's name was brought up. It had been a while since we'd heard from him. Apparently being in Australia had made him too good for us. Makoto and Nagisa don't know that Rin came back over breaks and that he and Haru had a falling out. Haru was devastated that Rin might quit swimming because of that one race.

"Four of us," Haru said after the subject of Rin dropped. "Ren is coming with us." He'd turned his head to stare at me from where he was cooking.

"What? No, I shouldn't'—" I said from the doorway. I hadn't planned on going. This was their childhood memories.

Nagisa grinned. "Of course Ren should come! It'll be fun!"

Like a deer in headlights, I couldn't come up with any words. Everything in my life seemed to be crumbling down and I'd just prefer to stay here, to be alone. My eyes shifted back to Haru, who still watched me carefully. It made me uncomfortable, like he knew why I didn't want to go. They waited for me to give in. Sighing after a moment, Nagisa and Makoto grinned.

"Good. Let's get some shovels and eat before we go," Makoto said.

Standing outside the decrepit building, I began to think I'd made a mistake in tagging along. Haru wanted me here, which comforted me. But, staring at this run-down place filled me with dread at the prospect of having to break in. Dark. Definitely creepy. And then there was my cousin, Makoto, who was terrified of anything supernatural, namely ghosts. What could possible go wrong?

Ghost didn't scare me. Of course not. The anxiety filled energy radiating off him would affect me, though. It had already started to make me jumpy. I don't believe in ghosts. I repeated it in my head. They were made up monsters. Real monsters were flesh and blood human beings hiding inside the ones you trust most. You never suspect them until it's too late. I'd never told Makoto or my aunt and uncle exactly what happened. Haru knew some but I'd never found the courage to tell him everything.

Nagisa pulled out some salt to protect us from whatever he'd heard lurked inside. Apparently, there were reports of shadows and strange noises. He threw the salt over all of us, managing to get some into my eyes.

"Wait," Haru tasted the crystals. "Nagisa, since when did sugar ward off ghosts?"

Nagisa led the way into the building, pushing open the creaky door, flashlight in hand. "Sugar, salt, it's all the same if you believe hard enough. Mind over matter, that's the spirit!"

"Not in this world," I mumbled, staring at the dirty floor. Magic doesn't exist in this universe. I could feel shadows in the back of my mind creeping up on me again. My head snapped up at the loud noise that rang out.

A can.

A beer can rolling across the floor.

Makoto had used Haru as a human shield. Nagisa laughed saying he'd accidently kicked it. The noise had been engraved into my memory, making me hug myself. Fear filled my body. I'd stopped walking, almost paralyzed. The dark building seemed to grow dark around me. Should have stayed home. Should have stayed away. Should have stayed hidden.

Everything went black, but I wasn't unconscious. The feeling overwhelmed me, bringing tears to my eyes. A child's voice echoed in my head. "Mommy! Mommy wake up! Wake up!" Footsteps, heavy and slow pounded up the stairs, getting closer.

The memory faded as a mixture of cologne and mackerel filled my lungs. The darkness clouding my mind retreated to its corner. Someone was holding me. "Haru," I mumbled, unfolding my arms to hug him tight. Fighting off my tears, I took deep breaths. Haru didn't speak, just holding me close, resting his chin on my head.

"Haru! Ren! Over here!" Nagisa called from around the corner.

"I'm okay," I finally said, releasing my iron grip on him. My emotions were still all over the place but I could function. Wiping the tears from my eyes, careful not to screw up my makeup, I sighed. "They're going to come look for us."

"Ren, are you taking your medication?" Haru asked, not completely letting me go.

Medication.

Anti-depressants.

I hated them and the way they made me feel. I'm pretty sure they made it worse, which is why I'd been flushing them. "I don't need it."

Choosing his words carefully, Haru finally replied, "Then go to a therapist." This conversation had been occurring more and more frequently. He'd even offered to pay if I'd just go.

Shaking my head, I started to pull away. "I don't need one. I'm coping well enough." Good day and bad days. A therapist would label me as unwell. I was fine.

"No, you aren't. Coping isn't living, Ren." Haru refused to let me go. Instead, he guided me back against the wall, trapping me with his body. "You're running away. I can't help you face it when you won't even talk to me about it. At least a therapist is qualified to help you even if you don't want it. Find one. Please." The pleading helplessness behind his voice tugged on my heart strings.

"I… I'll think about it. Promise." My voice came out soft. I'd never wanted therapy but the court ordered it for 3 months. Most days I went and didn't say much. Then I realized that I could end it quickly by lying. They gave me anti-depressants and forgot about me. Remembering that hurt me. Maybe Haru was right.

"You guys okay?" Makoto asked, standing a few feet away. He stared at me with worry in his eyes but he didn't ask me anything. He'd never tried to push me into talking about it. But I knew he wanted the old Ren back.

Honestly, I had no idea who that Ren was. A liar. Always lying. Don't tell them about it. They won't understand. It's just between us, you're family. They'll take you away from us. That's what my mom had told me every time I came to visit. I'd gotten so good at acting like nothing was wrong, that I had no idea how to open up to anyone.

"Yeah, sorry," Haru said, taking my hand. He nor Makoto mentioned anything to Nagisa. There was an old photo of them with Rin when they'd won their relay race.

Nagisa led the way further through the building. "Think the marker will still be there after all these years?"

Makoto had returned to hiding behind Haru, gripping the back of his shirt. "Think we could pick up the pace a little bit?" He squeezed the shovel in his hand tight, looking all around to be sure there were no ghosts.

I couldn't help but laugh a little.

"It's not funny, Ren!" Makoto whispered. He froze as we passed a connection to another hallway. Someone was walking towards us. His head was down and he didn't speak. It wasn't until he reached us and finally made eye contact that I recognized him. Damn he'd gotten taller.

Rin.

His eyes met mine for only a brief second with a flash of a smirk. He started to act all cool and disinterested that Nagisa and Makoto were excited to see him. Australia must have given him a superiority complex. Still, I was shocked to see him here. Whatever he'd returned for, it couldn't cause anything but trouble.


End file.
